#19: Teach a College Course

Throughout my years of education, I've always hated teachers. Not just hated, but despised, distrusted, and any other negative word that you could think of. I've just never been a fan of them. There have been many instances which have reinforced this notion in my head, from the times when a history teacher in high school wanted to fail my final exam because I used the term "w/" instead of "with" to even today where I hate my Philosophy professor for being a stupid bitch with her quizzes. Regardless of the sour experiences I've had with teachers, I never thought I would actually want to join the dark side and become one of them.

That was until last year when my school made an error in the paperwork and let me, of all people, teach University 101, a class designed to help freshmen adjust to college. Shocking, I know, considering my most famous moments at college have been falling out of a closet while drunk and telling a girl that I wanted to eat her breasts. Anyway, I was a Peer Leader for the semester, which is like a TA, but I don't exchange sexual favors in return for higher grades. And the thing is that I like teaching so much, that I wanted to do it again.

my one shining moment.

So after three months of waiting after I sent my application in, I finally was accepted to return to teach for the Fall. The reason I bring this up, is because I find fascinatingly hilarious how students team up with instructors to create their teaching teams. Not that I know anything about this subject but this situation would make me think of swinger party in a creepy, non-sexual way. So here I am, battered and bruised after my past instructors have left me for other, more "attractive" options. So I walk into this mixer last night and I seemed to just whore myself out to other instructors, almost as if I was saying, "COME AND FUCK ME, I'LL LOVE YOU LONG TIME." When I had to talk about myself, it seemed like I kept saying "I HAVE A 3.96 GPA COME AND PLAY WITH MY BALLS!" It was all about trying to put my best foot forward, and apparently my GPA and my balls are my two most important features. So, when I kept asking general questions to all of the instructors there, but every question about teaching style sounded like "IS YOUR PUSSY BIG ENOUGH TO FIT MY EXTRAORDINARILY LARGE MANMEAT? CAN YOU HANDLE THIS HEAT I'M PACKIN' BITCH?" It just seemed like I was whoring myself out to people and I was unashamed to do so.

I was getting with everyone and everyone was getting with me. Even the grad assistant who taught my peer leader class last semester was giving the "I want to fuck you*, but it'd be cool if you didn't have any other options and become my second instructor" look. After whoring myself out to some 20-odd instructors, I was able to find someone TO SUCK MY DICK ...er.... I mean, an instructor to be a part of my teaching team. We'll see what happens.

* - I fucking wish.