Nationals Fans are Retarded

First of all, this has nothing to do with 99thingsbefore30, but I'm posting it because it's important. Anyway, I'm a huge Washington Nationals fan and religiously follow them for better or worse. Opening Day is around the corner and yet another season of misery is upon us. However, there is hope, as the Nats are opening a brand-spankin' new stadium on Sunday. I regularly get e-mails about the Nationals, which mainly try to coax me into buying season tickets. I typically ignore them because for one thing, I don't live in DC for half of the season and I'm a poor college student.

But there was one e-mail that I got today that stuck out in my mind for some reason. The Nationals had their "fans" pick some of the music that the stadium will be playing this season, and one of the selections that the Nationals are playing makes me throw my hands up in confusion as if the people who cheer for my team have Down Syndrome or something of that sort. You see, as the "Victory Song" for the Nats, they chose "Beautiful Day" by U2, over "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang. When I saw this, I immediately thought, "what the fuck?"

No.

Picking U2 over Kool and the Gang is a crime in itself. Don't get me wrong, U2 is a great band and all, but its just so typical of DC people to choose that song. They probably have the idea of picking the safe song that Gen X parents and their kids can bob their heads to on the way out of Nationals Park. It just seems like such a "hippie song" because they mainly play on the hippie station at home and gives you the impression that "yeah, we beat you, but its cool because we're going to drive our hybrids and drink Starbucks." Is that what I want the Washington Nationals to be about this season? FUCK NO. We're going to be the baddest team in baseball with the likes of Dimitri Young, Lastings Milledge and Elijah "You Dead Dawg" Dukes. When we win, we need to shove in people's faces and kick dirt on them. Hence, "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang.

Every time I hear that song come on, I always feel like I'm a winner. I proceed to dance around if no one is watching and make myself to be such an embarrassment. I spend the whole song, in a sense, "celebrating", because that's what the song is all about. All that's what we need as Nats fans this season. Face it, we fucking suck and we need all of the good times that we're going to get from our team. Part of that is listening to "Celebration." We're going to have only 60 wins this season, so we should make each one a fucking celebration, bitches! Plus, how can you resist this: