#46: Be Friends With My Ex

And out of the 99 things that are here on my list, I think that this is the hardest one that I'll have to do. This isn't on me, it's more on her. That other person in this whole relationship, friendship, etc. Yes, I did actually have a very serious girlfriend at one point in my life, and while those days are long gone, I would like to become friends with her again. And maybe this will explain to her why I really haven't gotten back to her in the last 8 months.

So here's the story behind this whole thing. I dated this girl for a year and half. She was incredible, probably one the nicest and most attractive women that I've ever seen in my life. She was a great girlfriend, the type that would go that extra mile for you and do anything to brighten your day. The thing about her was that she was different from any other girl I had been with or any of my friends. She hated sports. She refused to watch them and could not understand why I would get so happy watching men sweat all over each other. She was also a vegetarian, which was unique because I for one, loved meat and could not imagine ever living without it. She was just really different and she was like a puzzle that I could never figure out. There always seemed to be something new that she brought into the fold that would always spice things up.

But the thing about her was that she was way too different for friends and that just killed me. She was very shy and reserved around others and any interaction that my friends would have with her would always turn out awkward and weird. It really sucked for me because I wanted to show everyone how great of a person my girlfriend was, but I just couldn't. And then things began to pile up, starting with big events like Virginia Tech and down to little things about I didn't want to hang out with her after work or why I didn't want to go to see fireworks with her. These stupid arguments that no couple should ever have began tearing our relationship apart. The little things that I loved about her earlier in the relationship eventually caught up with me.
What I used to love about her was now what I just couldn't stand. I know there's nothing I could have done about it, but it was just those small little things that bugged me and made things worse. And it wasn't helping my internship at all as our little struggles were really affecting my performance at work.

Basically, I was tired of figuring out the puzzle that was known as her. I gave up. I told her that I wanted a break, just some time off because I needed to focus on work and not her. I was just sick of her for the time being not forever. I was tired. Tired of fighting with her. Almost every conversation turned into an argument. I just needed some time for me and just to focus on my life and what I wanted to do. I was 19 years old and I wanted to live my life before settling down with someone. She didn't take the news too well and left me with a letter tell me her last words. I haven't responded back so consider this as my reply.

We both said that we wanted to be friends, but it never worked out that way. A few jokes or animosity over a couple of drinks towards her on my part may have had something to do with it. Or maybe it was the drunk call back in September when I told her that I was still in love with her. I don't know or why that ever came about, but it should have never happened. Or maybe it about how each time we talk, its incredibly awkward to talk without mentioning our relationship. Either way, no matter what you can attribute it to, she and I don't talk anymore.

I want to fix that. I want to be friends with her again. Forget all the bad blood, it's time to start over and make amends. No, this isn't a trick to get her in my pants again, it's just hard to hold back two years' worth of memories. But my task is huge, how do I become friends with someone who I was physically attracted to for years. It may seem impossible, but I'm up to the challenge.

I know you're reading this, what are you waiting for?