Thursday, January 31, 2008

#15: Work for a Sports Team (part I)

From a very young age, I always told people that it my dream to be a professional sports star. I became very infatuated with the whole notion of getting paid millions of dollars to play games and have millions of fans adore my incredible athletic skills. I watched ESPN religiously as a child and felt that I could easily be like my sports heros I watched. However, the idea of being a professional athlete quickly died, while the influence of ESPN and the "me-first" message that a lot of superstars portrayed greatly affected my youth athletic career.

my hero.

For example, I used to play youth basketball with a bunch of friends from elementary school. We were notoriously bad, bad enough where one of my teammates got a standing ovation when he scored his first point in the tenth game of the year. In fifth grade, we played a team that was nearly as bad as we were. However, they were winning and I was getting manhandled by this big goon inside. Late in the game, he knocked my glasses off for the umpteenth million time and I had enough of his shit. I picked my glasses up on the floor and proceed to kick the kid right in the shin. The kid fell to the ground and started crying, and obviously the referee gave me a technical foul and ejected me from the game. Way to go me. And if that wasn't bad enough, I started bawling and ran right out of the school that the game was held at. Let's just say that my father gave me a stern lecture when we got home that day.

My belligerence in basketball was not any different from swimming, except for the fact that I was good at swimming. I was a fucking brat when I swam. On the blocks, I would have a routine where I would splash myself with water so I could get used to the temperature before diving in. I switched the routine up in high school where I would either flex my muscles or do a little dance before swimming. I figured that I would provide some entertainment to the 50 people who would show at the meets. If I won a race, I would completely shove it in my opponents face, raising my arms in victory while the other guy still swam to the finish, or take a bow as I did in my last race. That must have pissed off a lot people. But when I lost, I would slam shit down and completely blow up. Needless to say, I was ridiculous when I played and I am glad I no longer have to experience that.

So why does that matter? It matters for a lot of reasons, with the most important one being that suck the big one when it comes to play sports. I am not very gifted athletically and my lackluster performances throughout my career in both basketball and swimming left a lot to be desired. As a result of my ineptitude in athletics, I figured that I would follow sports and love them with a passion instead, which led me to South Carolina and my future career plans.

When I wrote the list, I felt that #15: Work for a Sports Team" was not only an achievable goal but a dream of mine. I personally think that working for a sports team is quite possibly the coolest job ever. Just think, you work all day with sports! You can work for something that is your passion in life, so work seems more like play than the boring and mundane process that it really is. For real, what could be better than working for your favorite athletes, getting free perks, tickets to games, and then some? Nothing!

And working for a sports team is not some farfetched concept. I am a sports management major and I'm pretty good at what I do in regards to that, so it's entirely feasible to work in that capacity. In addition, I worked for a sport organization this past summer, and while their line of work was not my cup of tea, I gained a lot of valuable experience from it.

So over winter break, I applied with a few organizations in the various professional sports leagues, in an effort to try and gain more experience in the industry. I really thought nothing of the application process, because these internships were very presitgious and I would be incredibly lucky if they want to move further with me. Then out of nowhere, I got a call from the NBA asking me for the perfect time to do a phone interview. The NBA. That's the National Basketball Association. That's the big leagues right there. I never expected the NBA, of all things, to call and say that they liked me. It's as if I sent Keira Knightley a love letter and she came all the way to South Carolina to let me fuck her brains out. (not really, but you see the point in a more extreme way) Returning to the topic at hand, I scheduled an interview with them for later this week, so when that happens, I'll let you know how it goes.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

#65: Be a Contestant on a Game Show (part II)

So, as I stated in my last post, I was applying to be a contestant on Jeopardy. The online test that I was supposed to take to commence the whole application process. However, that never happened, and I am definitely kicking myself for my stupidity. So here's how the whole thing went down.

The test was scheduled for 8PM. I only had one class today, so finding time should not have been a problem. I went to the library this evening to work on some finance stuff and figured that I would grab something to eat before the test started. That quick bite turned into an elongated process in which I spent way too long at, where had to wait a long, long time to get my food. I eventually got dinner and proceeded to make a beeline back to my apartment to get the show on the road. However, by the time I logged in and such, the test had closed and I could not get in. Talk about a total bummer.

Already rejected by Jeopardy. And I didn't even take the test. It probably would not have mattered anyway, I would have never gotten past the English literature or Microbiology portions of the test. I plan to apply to other game shows, and if that does not work out, then I can do it all again next year. It sucks right now not having the opportunity to say to Alex Trebek, "I'll take 'The Rapists" for 300," but there's always next time.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

#65: Be a Contestant on a Game Show (part I)

Yes, I have finally decided to embark upon this completing this list. Out of the 99 possible things for me to achieve, #65 on my the list, being a contestant on a game show, is the first one I am aiming for.

I have always wanted to be a contestant on a game show. Call it a dream of mine. I have fascinated about going onto a show, displaying my vast and knowledgable intellect, talking some trash, and walking away with a boatload of cash. In my childhood, my parents would make sit down and watch Jeopardy, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, or even Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader, and be stunned in amazement their son would get a great majority of the questions right. The same thing happens now, except with my friends at school try to stump me with the useless knowledge that no one in their right mind should ever know.

So at the constant urging of my friend Frank, I am applying to be Jeopardy. Why Jeporady? Because Wheel of Fortune is only taking old women and Stump the Schwab is scared of me. (No. Not the case.) It's the most famous game show on TV right now and their application test is on Tuesday and online, so I don't have to waste my time going to an open audition or something. I seriously doubt that I'll get very far with the application process, but I'll never know until I try. I'll keep you updated.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

The List

And so, without further adieu, here is the list. Granted, some of the things on this list can and will change, for a variety of reasons. But I do plan to withhold to as many as I can. However, I have completed some of these mentioned tasks. Why did I include them in the list? Well, they are significant to my life and have a great story that goes with them. So anyway, on with the list.


  1. Leave the country
  2. Go on a road trip
  3. Go to the Super Bowl
  4. Attend Carnival or Mardi Gras
  5. Travel through Europe
  6. Randomly travel somewhere
  7. See clear blue ocean water
  8. Pimp out the Shaggin' Wagon
  9. Go to Vegas
  10. Visit the continental 48 US states
  11. Run with the bulls in Pamplona
  12. Swim in the Dead Sea
  13. Climb a mountain
  14. Stand in four US states at once
  15. Work for a sports team
  16. Write a book
  17. Get my degree
  18. Run for political office
  19. Teach a college course
  20. Invest in the stock market
  21. Get a promotion at a job
  22. Compete in a triathlon
  23. Get on a jumbotron
  24. Catch a home run ball
  25. Go to March Madness
  26. Go to the Olympics
  27. Rush the field for an event
  28. Complete the Krispy Kreme Challenge
  29. Make a game-winning shot
  30. Have my favorite team win a championship
  31. Get the cone filled with autographs
  32. Win a fantasy football championship
  33. Kick a 40-yard field goal
  34. Bungee jump
  35. Make it down the bunny slope without falling
  36. Go on a bobsled run
  37. Change the ribbon from the 2002 Todd Potts IM Carnival from 5th to 3rd as it should be
  38. Be in a movie
  39. Get featured on a prominent sports blog
  40. Do the Damn Thing
  41. Threesome with two women
  42. Kiss a girl at New Years'
  43. Make out with a stranger
  44. Go big with a tailgate
  45. Blinddate on Craigslist
  46. Be friends with my ex
  47. Get married
  48. Become friends with a celebrity
  49. Make my parents proud
  50. Move away from my parents
  51. Win a swim meet as a Head Coach
  52. Have a one night stand
  53. Do a kegstand
  54. Buy a round of drinks
  55. Do a bar crawl
  56. Learn to cook to feed people other than myself
  57. Host a party at my parent’s house
  58. Eat a five-course meal
  59. Eat turducken
  60. Become a vegetarian for a week
  61. Hire a hooker to hang out with
  62. Get a tattoo
  63. Apply to get into MENSA
  64. Learn a dance
  65. Be a contestant on a game show
  66. See Maroon 5 in concert
  67. Drive stickshift
  68. Kick someone in the balls
  69. Own an exotic animal
  70. Sing karaoke
  71. Go streaking/skinny dipping
  72. Skydive
  73. Wear a speedo out in public
  74. Throw water balloons out of a window
  75. Make sick rhymes (write raps)
  76. Get arrested/barred from something
  77. Be in a band
  78. Beat Guitar Hero on expert
  79. Learn a language
  80. Buy something from an auction
  81. Start beef with someone
  82. Relearn the bass clarinet
  83. Do crossword puzzles again
  84. Attend a large music festival
  85. Embarrass myself
  86. Shock the world with something
  87. Support a charitable cause
  88. Punch someone in the face
  89. Get into the VIP section of a club or bar
  90. Build something by myself
  91. Weigh under 180lbs again
  92. Have an obscure 70’s/80’s act play at my wedding
  93. Have myself made into a cartoon character
  94. Make a difference
  95. Make it rain at a stripclub
  96. Grow a beard
  97. Ride a unicycle
  98. Create a YouTube phenomenon
  99. Find happiness

Friday, January 11, 2008


Hello, world. I don’t know if we have ever met before, so let me introduce myself. My name is Jason (that's my handsome face on the left) and I think that we are going to be pretty good friends before its all said and done. I could give you the whole spiel about my life, my physical features, and even what foods I’m allergic to. But I know, even though your head might nod, you don’t care. It’s ok, world. I understand. There’s a lot of bullshit out there in today’s world, and if you don’t bundle up, it will pour all over you. Anyway, enough with this bullshit that I speak of. And if you were truly interested, you could just ask me.

So here’s the deal. In my twenty years of existence on this Earth, I have not accomplished a lot. No, I did not get a perfect score on the SAT, nor did I ever win a student government election worth a shit despite my multiple attempts. Even my proudest achievement, a 4.0 GPA was ruined this past summer by an internship where I toiled my life away shipping banners, fixing spreadsheets, and wearing spandex (more on that later). It’s harder to attract women when you tell them that you’ve got an ugly 3.964 instead of that sexy 4.0 that just rolls off the tongue. Not that I would ever condone someone using their GPA as a pickup line.

Recently scorned by my loss of academic perfection, I had looked for ways to become ambitious and challenge myself in different ways. However, the motivation that I badly needed came from of all people, my mother. She and I were having a conversation about college, and I told her, straight up, that I wished it was over. I was tired of dealing with my school about graduation and I was freaking out about finding an internship that would put me in great shape to get a job when I got out of school. And then, my mother suddenly morphed from the caring, understanding person that I’m used into a insensitive motivational speaker. My mother had decided that it would be best to give her son some advice about how a person should never keep wishing for things to happen, instead to make things happen.

I refuse to listen to my mother anymore. Ever since she came down to school and she accused me and my friends of being on drugs, I don’t really listen to what she’s saying other than when she instructs me to take out the trash or to go to bed. But the thing about my mother’s message was that it kind of stuck in a way. She had recently been ill and the whole point of everything that she was saying resounded in my head. “Don’t wish life away. Do something with your life.” Hmmmm. Sounded like a good idea.

To find something to do with my life, I began looking for ideas. My quest to find a challenge had come up empty until I found my “99 things to do before I die” list on my laptop. I had created the list a couple of years ago, out of sheer boredom, to have something to work for. Most of the goals are either a) ridiculously unattainable or b) stupid and the more mature version of myself would never consider most of the list. Plus, I was young and na├»ve when I made the list, before I had an ex-girlfriend who sucked the life out of me for a year and a half and before I entered college. So I had to severely revise this list if I was ever going to challenge myself to complete it. And that’s what I did.

I have created a list of 99 things that I would like to accomplish before I turn the age of 30. Most of these tasks are pretty simple (ex: do a kegstand, shave my head, etc.), but some of them will require some planning and money (ex: leave the country, attend Spring Break). Also, I didn’t want a life list. I am a very impatient person and I refuse to wait for the rest of my life to accomplish these things. I think that 30 is a sensible deadline for me to complete these tasks, for by the time I reach that age, my life as I know it will be over because of marriage, children, and career. This list is like a make or break kind of thing with my life. I have this feeling that if someone doesn’t complete their life list, they will be on their deathbed knowing that they failed at what they wanted to do with their life. Not for me, ladies and gents. I want to know at a relatively young age whether or not my life is a success. If it is, then that would be awesome. If not, I would have at least 40 years to turn things around. Consider this an elongated short-term goal. I have a lot to complete in nine and a half years. But I think if I can keep myself determined and be persistent, then all of these tasks will be easy.

Through creating the 99 things to do before I turn 30 list, I hope to broaden my horizons and discover the person I really am. In my life, I have always been told what to do or where to go, and now, I want to blaze my own trail in life. This is an opportunity to show myself and the world of my extraordinary capabilities. They may not be as great as they seem, but I would like to think that way, so don’t ruin my hopes here. Life is full of journeys and adventures. I want to experience them. I want feel that exhilaration with the wind in your hair without a care in the world about what you are doing or even where you are going. I want to do things that people always wish to do, but yet they never set aside the time or will necessary to complete them.

I have no idea how often I will update this blog, but I will try my best to give you comprehensive updates as to my progress on the 99 tasks. So sit back and enjoy this nine and a half year ride. It might take awhile. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get started.