This goal is a new one that I've created. It's not for the sake of doing something on my list, it's more of trying to rid myself of a horrible habit. You see, I have a roommate whose expressions, phrases, and general incompetence has become contagious. His name is Kyle. And yes, he is fucking annoying. Don't get me wrong, he's a great friend and roommate, but this needs to stop. But in the three years that I've known him, I've been able to dumb myself down and act like him. It's something very hard, but yet I have done the impossible. His idiosyncrasies and sayings have become second nature to me. Whenever I try to make fun of or mock someone, it's Kyle's phrases that I turn to as my bread and butter. He has some great expressions that are perfect for some situations, but they're all fucking stupid. A five year old could come up with some these. So I'm breaking the habit and stopping this retarded cycle now.
The whole goal in this is simple. I want to sound smarter when I'm around others. Now that Kyle lives with me, I find myself going to the well of saying that Kyle would use too many times. Trust me, the ladies do not like it when I shake my head like a spaz or even sound like a whiny bitch. As I'm preparing to transition from college to the real world, I have to realize that not everyone thinks that Kyle's jokes are funny and perhaps there is another way to sound funny, although it might be hard to fathom.
Granted, I know that this is hard, I mean impossible, to complete. Not with saying that Kyle's vernacular or "Kyleisms" as I like to call them have corrupted my humor and sometimes make me look like a six year old. But rather the fact that Kyle is my roommate and he lives next door to me. By following through on this goal, I can no longer act like him when he tries to hit on me like a faggot (no homo), when I come into my room and find Kyle in my bed, or even anytime he does something stupid. I was able to do this before in the summer, because my parents thought I was fucking retarded whenever I said something that Kyle would say, and would refuse to acknowledge me until I sounded like a normal human being.
So for the rest of the semester, I am not allowed to say the following words/phrases:
- Bo.
- I bet.
- Suck it.
- Really?
- Seriously?
- S My D.
- Meh.
- any form of "beat it."
- shaking my head like a spaz
And the list goes on. I'm short on the all of the words he says, but I'll add them as they come to mind. This is entirely possible, but hard to do. However, it can be done and I'm confident that I'll succeed. I might slip up and there might be setbacks, but I'm comitted to the effort. We'll see what happens.
Showing posts with label this is such a stupid idea. Show all posts
Showing posts with label this is such a stupid idea. Show all posts
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Tooflezzz
I got hit in the mouth the other day and knocked a tooth out. Not really exciting news, but bear with me, these last three weeks have not been intellectually stimulating for me.u c In fact, this is incredibly embarassing, considering how my tooth was smashed the cause for it. I honestly wish I could say that I got punched in the mouth by some thug, because losing a tooth in that manner would be really cool. Even curbstomping would have been better, because I must have done something that really deserved having my face kicked into a curb. But no, I had to have a tooth knocked out because of a fucking stopwatch that was around my neck.
You can thank a little six-year old girl for that one. She is the fucking devil and she jumped into my 13 and older practice the other night while they were swimming. I sent one of my swimmers to get her out of the water. Obviously, the swimmer I sent to go fetch her didn't work, so I came running over with my stopwatch around my neck. I was jumping up and down for some reason, probably because of the way the girl was screaming as she was being dragged out of the water. And so the stopwatch came up and got me in the mouth. The next thing I knew, my tooth flew out of my mouth and onto the pool deck. So instead of swallowing my pride and finishing practice like a man, my self-conscious side didn't want to be seen with a front tooth missing, so I canceled the rest of practice and fucking freaking as I was missing a tooth. Needless to say, I got it fixed the next day and it's all good. Except for the fact that I had to cut up a cheeseburger today during a swim meet. So ballin' indeed.
in fact it's embarassing, especially by how and with what the tooth was smashed.
You can thank a little six-year old girl for that one. She is the fucking devil and she jumped into my 13 and older practice the other night while they were swimming. I sent one of my swimmers to get her out of the water. Obviously, the swimmer I sent to go fetch her didn't work, so I came running over with my stopwatch around my neck. I was jumping up and down for some reason, probably because of the way the girl was screaming as she was being dragged out of the water. And so the stopwatch came up and got me in the mouth. The next thing I knew, my tooth flew out of my mouth and onto the pool deck. So instead of swallowing my pride and finishing practice like a man, my self-conscious side didn't want to be seen with a front tooth missing, so I canceled the rest of practice and fucking freaking as I was missing a tooth. Needless to say, I got it fixed the next day and it's all good. Except for the fact that I had to cut up a cheeseburger today during a swim meet. So ballin' indeed.
in fact it's embarassing, especially by how and with what the tooth was smashed.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Fuck Anyone Named Stephen
After much correspondence via e-mail, the girl and I finally decided to meet up. Even though I do have apprehensions about this, especially with her being extremely religious and not very attractive, I decided to go through it anyway, since I was the one who brought up the idea of meeting up. I stupidly gave her my phone number and yesterday, I awoke to a "good morning! :-)" text from her. I suddenly thought that going out with her was probably the highlight of her day, while it was probably fourth or fifth for me, behind coaching, going to the gym, making a ballin' rap/techno mix, and watching paint dry on walls. I could bore you on the details of how the story kept going, but all that happened was a series of texts between her and I, which made my feelings about this progressively worse. I know, boring shit.
The date itself wasn't bad. It wasn't good either, which doesn't really tell you much. It was a weird date. Although I tried and tried and tried to convince myself to back out of this while I could, I followed through with the date. Not to say that I attempted to cancel, by playing the "I don't know where it is, so I can't come" card. I've had people cancel on me before, shit, I even had once girl lie about the fact that her aunt was dead so she could leave. It would only be fitting if I were to return such a favor. However, that was quickly shot down as she texted me the address of the place, which thwarted my plans. I mean I like to say that I'm a man of my word, but when it comes to women and dating, I'm very picky and will backtrack to force my way out of things.
I orignially thought the date was between her and I, just a nice little romantic dinner between the two of us where we would eat, get to know each other, and go our separate ways. But no, that's never the case. After parking my car in Northwest, paying some dude $20 with the hope that my car won't get broken into, and briskly walking towards the restaurant, I see her. However, she's not by herself, she's standing with two other people. The texts I ignored during the car ride came back to bite my in the ass, as one them included "is it cool if i bring my friends?" Obviously, it was too late to say FUCK NO, but you have to go with what you can. Apparently, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I finally met with the girl, her friend, and her friend's boyfriend, Stephen.
Now I mentioned Stephen's name, because I fucking hate him. Stephen is the epitome of everything I do not like about people in the world. He is fat, a complete tool, a fucking nerd, speaks with annoying lisp, and thinks he is hot shit. Stephen is the guy on the right in the picture, because he kept his Facebook profile public like a real asshole would. (Suck it.) I would have smacked him for some of the things that he said, but that would not have worked out so well, because Stephen was once in the Air Force. At the restaurant in which we ate at, there was a booth where there is a small table that is surrounded by large cushions and looks rather scenic. Once we enter the restaurant, Stephen comes up with the bright idea for us to sit at the booth.
Yes, it was a great idea at the time, but no one would have expected poor Stephen to break a sweat slurping his soup. Once he gets his Tortilla Soup from the waiter, Stephen begins to perspire as if we're in the middle of the desert. Of course, we moved, so that the poor man would not soak himself in sweat during the course of eating. Stephen was not feeling much better now that he was away from the blazing hot lights of the booth. He finishes his soup and randomly decides that he is going to mix the salsa and queso that we ordered separately, into the same bowl. Without consulting the rest of our table, Stephen is proactive and proceed to dump the entire bowl of salsa in the piping-hot container of queso. Great idea once again, Stephen. It's too bad that I didn't like my salsa and cheese mixed together because I was eating some damn good chips.
The girl and I finally begin to talk to each other and things seem to be going well. That is, until Stephen interjects and starts talking about himself. I can't remember what he was saying for the life of me, but it sounded really important because he was making all of these crazy arm movements and was still sweating profusely. It felt like I was talking to an animal the whole night, because I couldn't understand the guy with his lisp and he made really spastic movements like a retard. Oh yeah and then there was that one time he got really excited about something and the next thing I knew, spit flew onto my burrito. Thanks Stephen, I bet you were hoping that I didn't see that. But I did dumbfuck. Don't think you got away with that shit.
Speaking of Stephens, I fucking hate all Stephens. For instance, I'm watching TRL (don't ask why) and the fan of the week's name is Stephen. He's from Canada, was probably dropped as a baby, and is a complete tool. The rest of date wasn't worth mentioning, which leads me to believe that the girl is incredibly boring. I was invited to hang out with them after dinner, but of course, doing so would result in me hurting Stephen. Fuck Stephen. I fucking hate him.
The date itself wasn't bad. It wasn't good either, which doesn't really tell you much. It was a weird date. Although I tried and tried and tried to convince myself to back out of this while I could, I followed through with the date. Not to say that I attempted to cancel, by playing the "I don't know where it is, so I can't come" card. I've had people cancel on me before, shit, I even had once girl lie about the fact that her aunt was dead so she could leave. It would only be fitting if I were to return such a favor. However, that was quickly shot down as she texted me the address of the place, which thwarted my plans. I mean I like to say that I'm a man of my word, but when it comes to women and dating, I'm very picky and will backtrack to force my way out of things.
I orignially thought the date was between her and I, just a nice little romantic dinner between the two of us where we would eat, get to know each other, and go our separate ways. But no, that's never the case. After parking my car in Northwest, paying some dude $20 with the hope that my car won't get broken into, and briskly walking towards the restaurant, I see her. However, she's not by herself, she's standing with two other people. The texts I ignored during the car ride came back to bite my in the ass, as one them included "is it cool if i bring my friends?" Obviously, it was too late to say FUCK NO, but you have to go with what you can. Apparently, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I finally met with the girl, her friend, and her friend's boyfriend, Stephen.Now I mentioned Stephen's name, because I fucking hate him. Stephen is the epitome of everything I do not like about people in the world. He is fat, a complete tool, a fucking nerd, speaks with annoying lisp, and thinks he is hot shit. Stephen is the guy on the right in the picture, because he kept his Facebook profile public like a real asshole would. (Suck it.) I would have smacked him for some of the things that he said, but that would not have worked out so well, because Stephen was once in the Air Force. At the restaurant in which we ate at, there was a booth where there is a small table that is surrounded by large cushions and looks rather scenic. Once we enter the restaurant, Stephen comes up with the bright idea for us to sit at the booth.
Yes, it was a great idea at the time, but no one would have expected poor Stephen to break a sweat slurping his soup. Once he gets his Tortilla Soup from the waiter, Stephen begins to perspire as if we're in the middle of the desert. Of course, we moved, so that the poor man would not soak himself in sweat during the course of eating. Stephen was not feeling much better now that he was away from the blazing hot lights of the booth. He finishes his soup and randomly decides that he is going to mix the salsa and queso that we ordered separately, into the same bowl. Without consulting the rest of our table, Stephen is proactive and proceed to dump the entire bowl of salsa in the piping-hot container of queso. Great idea once again, Stephen. It's too bad that I didn't like my salsa and cheese mixed together because I was eating some damn good chips.
The girl and I finally begin to talk to each other and things seem to be going well. That is, until Stephen interjects and starts talking about himself. I can't remember what he was saying for the life of me, but it sounded really important because he was making all of these crazy arm movements and was still sweating profusely. It felt like I was talking to an animal the whole night, because I couldn't understand the guy with his lisp and he made really spastic movements like a retard. Oh yeah and then there was that one time he got really excited about something and the next thing I knew, spit flew onto my burrito. Thanks Stephen, I bet you were hoping that I didn't see that. But I did dumbfuck. Don't think you got away with that shit.
Speaking of Stephens, I fucking hate all Stephens. For instance, I'm watching TRL (don't ask why) and the fan of the week's name is Stephen. He's from Canada, was probably dropped as a baby, and is a complete tool. The rest of date wasn't worth mentioning, which leads me to believe that the girl is incredibly boring. I was invited to hang out with them after dinner, but of course, doing so would result in me hurting Stephen. Fuck Stephen. I fucking hate him.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Craigslist Updates
I now know why people pursue and use online dating. Because they fucking suck at life and cannot get a date to save their lives. In the week that I have browsed the Craigslist women-for-men personal ads, the assortment of ads that I have seen have ranged from women WHO WRITE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS AND YET THEY CANT SPEL A SINGEL THIGN WRITE to the women who don't want to be hurt yet again in a relationship only because the guy probably came to the conclusion that she was butt-ugly. Oh yeah, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the massive amounts of ads where fat black women have an obsession for skinny white boys such as myself. I would not be surprised if these women ate those poor young men instead of suffocating and crushing them with their massive frames.
As I write this post, I have responded to a bunch of personal ads on Craigslist and I have not gotten far with anyone. No one. Out of the many desperate people that I have contacted in the past week, I haven't gotten past the second e-mail, which may be a sign that they are not real, or they have found another man to bitch and complain to. (Don't cry for me, I'm happy that these women don't have to contact me ever again.) I'm convinced that these women on Craigslist are bots for dating websites, as many of the e-mails in response to the ones that I send are advertisements for me to try these sites. Personally, I think it's a brilliant idea that these sites do this, as a way
to draw desperate love-seeking people to their site. However, it does not work for my plan, which has nothing to do with finding love, but rather breaking women's hearts and destroying any self-esteem that I have in undertaking this.So here's the deal. I plan to complete whore myself out to the internets soon. If they're fat, skinny, bitchy, psycho, or just plain ugly, I want them. I want to take them out to a nice seafood dinner and never call them again. I want to give them the impression that I'm serious with them and then just break their heart. I want to know what it feels like to go on a date with an ugly woman with a beard or hell, a woman with a hairpiece. I'll them that their prosthetic leg is sexy and how I'll get a hard-on if they show me their stump.* The point is, I want to get this done as soon as possible and I don't want this to draw out over the summer and interfere with my life. I don't care what happens, I just want this to end.
*- No way. That is fucking disgusting and anyone should be ashamed if they like to beat it to that. Sick fuckers.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
#45: Blinddate on Craigslist
A couple of weeks ago, I asked you all what kind of girl I should date on Craigslist. Surprisingly you all responded and showed no mercy, as you all voted for me to date all of them. I know that was going to freaking happen. To even think why I put this on the list or even think about it in the first place is unfathomable. Dating on Craiglist is such a stupid idea. Craigslist is for people who can't get a date or are just looking to get high or their d wet. Hell, Craigslist isn't for me, because I have had my share of hookups/relationships in the past year, regardless of how awkward they may have been. Despite how much of a bad idea this seems to be, I cannot disappoint my readers and goddamnit, I need some amusement in my life. So over the course of the next few weeks, I will undertake the process of going on dates with a fat bitch, a Jesusfreak, a black woman, and a foreign woman. ed note: What the hell did I get myself into?
So before I begin my search, I have standards. Shocking isn't it? So when I'm doing this, I'd like to keep whatever amount of pride, if any, that I will have after this. My standards are as follows:
1) They cannot be that ugly. A little displeasing on the eyes is ok. But butt-ugly? No way. I have to understand that Craigslist is not the place for beautiful women and must accept medocrity in this case.
2) The woman must provide herself with a picture. I want to know what she looks like, so I can either recognize her or run away from her. I think that the latter is more acceptable.
3) The woman has to between the ages of 18 and 23. I don't want an old bitch who has a thing like a "career." What the fuck is that shit? Plus, I think I can better relate to a younger woman, instead of someone who graduated high school in 1990.
4) The woman must meet me at a neutral location. I will not pick the bitch up. I plan on ditching a couple of times since women tend to lie about their appearance and I do not expect any difference with this.
5) A date will consist of at least dinner in a neutral place. No romantic dinners at their place. No weird-ass activities that may want me to leave. I want to get to know the person.
6) I will pay only for myself. It's a tough time in the economy and I do not want to spend any more money than I have to. I will not pay for them unless we either go to McDonalds or hit up my college's dining hall so I can use my Bonus Bucks. Since school's out of the summer and it's eight hours away, that's completely out of the question. Plus, this person may be fat and could eat the whole fucking restaurant. Do you know how much that is? I don't but I'm sure I don't want to find out. Call me a cheapskate, but remember I'm the only person who's willing to take your desperate ass out on a date.
7) I will return home after the date. No, I will not in for coffee so you can take advantage of me. That is not going to happen. I'm 20 years old and I still live my parents. As ballin' as that is, they show their love and affection for me by checking up on me routinely.
8) There will be no second dates. Unless they absolutely blow me away, which is unlikely.
9) No Cheesecake Factory. I am not going to let some woman ruin the fond memories that I have of my favorite restaurant.
With that being said, this is not going to go well. After browsing through the many, many personal ads on Craigslist, I do not like what I see. Living near Washington DC, one of the biggest cities in the country, you'd like to think that there would be something redeeming about one of these posts. But no, there isn't. For example let me show you.
Girl #1: "Lookin for that someone"
Age: 23
You Had Me At... "He say's "Would you like to go out" what he really meant was "I want you to come with me to go to the nearest Payday Loan place and get him money."
Damn right, get that man some money. Next.
Girl #2: "Looking for a possible relationship."
Age: 19
You Had Me At..."I want someone who can tolerate an extremely lame sense of humor (me). Race means nothing to me. Religion, a bit more. I don't want a Christian-basher for a possible future boyfriend. Alcoholics, sexual deviants, liars, cheaters, and other such baggage is not welcome."
Jesus Christo! It looks like my lucky day! + 1 for looking like a total freak. Next.
Girl #3: "wife me"
Age: 19
You Had Me At..."no body over 30 pls...i dont have time fr no bitch ass ness"
I don't think I'm a "bitch ass," so she might be good enough for me. Holla.
Oh man. This is going to be fun.
So before I begin my search, I have standards. Shocking isn't it? So when I'm doing this, I'd like to keep whatever amount of pride, if any, that I will have after this. My standards are as follows:
1) They cannot be that ugly. A little displeasing on the eyes is ok. But butt-ugly? No way. I have to understand that Craigslist is not the place for beautiful women and must accept medocrity in this case.
2) The woman must provide herself with a picture. I want to know what she looks like, so I can either recognize her or run away from her. I think that the latter is more acceptable.
3) The woman has to between the ages of 18 and 23. I don't want an old bitch who has a thing like a "career." What the fuck is that shit? Plus, I think I can better relate to a younger woman, instead of someone who graduated high school in 1990.
4) The woman must meet me at a neutral location. I will not pick the bitch up. I plan on ditching a couple of times since women tend to lie about their appearance and I do not expect any difference with this.
5) A date will consist of at least dinner in a neutral place. No romantic dinners at their place. No weird-ass activities that may want me to leave. I want to get to know the person.
6) I will pay only for myself. It's a tough time in the economy and I do not want to spend any more money than I have to. I will not pay for them unless we either go to McDonalds or hit up my college's dining hall so I can use my Bonus Bucks. Since school's out of the summer and it's eight hours away, that's completely out of the question. Plus, this person may be fat and could eat the whole fucking restaurant. Do you know how much that is? I don't but I'm sure I don't want to find out. Call me a cheapskate, but remember I'm the only person who's willing to take your desperate ass out on a date.
7) I will return home after the date. No, I will not in for coffee so you can take advantage of me. That is not going to happen. I'm 20 years old and I still live my parents. As ballin' as that is, they show their love and affection for me by checking up on me routinely.
8) There will be no second dates. Unless they absolutely blow me away, which is unlikely.
9) No Cheesecake Factory. I am not going to let some woman ruin the fond memories that I have of my favorite restaurant.
With that being said, this is not going to go well. After browsing through the many, many personal ads on Craigslist, I do not like what I see. Living near Washington DC, one of the biggest cities in the country, you'd like to think that there would be something redeeming about one of these posts. But no, there isn't. For example let me show you.
Girl #1: "Lookin for that someone"
Age: 23
You Had Me At... "He say's "Would you like to go out" what he really meant was "I want you to come with me to go to the nearest Payday Loan place and get him money."
Damn right, get that man some money. Next.
Girl #2: "Looking for a possible relationship."
Age: 19You Had Me At..."I want someone who can tolerate an extremely lame sense of humor (me). Race means nothing to me. Religion, a bit more. I don't want a Christian-basher for a possible future boyfriend. Alcoholics, sexual deviants, liars, cheaters, and other such baggage is not welcome."
Jesus Christo! It looks like my lucky day! + 1 for looking like a total freak. Next.
Girl #3: "wife me"
Age: 19You Had Me At..."no body over 30 pls...i dont have time fr no bitch ass ness"
I don't think I'm a "bitch ass," so she might be good enough for me. Holla.
Oh man. This is going to be fun.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
#46: Be Friends With My Ex
And out of the 99 things that are here on my list, I think that this is the hardest one that I'll have to do. This isn't on me, it's more on her. That other person in this whole relationship, friendship, etc. Yes, I did actually have a very serious girlfriend at one point in my life, and while those days are long gone, I would like to become friends with her again. And maybe this will explain to her why I really haven't gotten back to her in the last 8 months.
So here's the story behind this whole thing. I dated this girl for a year and half. She was incredible, probably one the nicest and most attractive women that I've ever seen in my life. She was a great girlfriend, the type that would go that extra mile for you and do anything to brighten your day. The thing about her was that she was different from any other girl I had been with or any of my friends. She hated sports. She refused to watch them and could not understand why I would get so happy watching men sweat all over each other. She was also a vegetarian, which was unique because I for one, loved meat and could not imagine ever living without it. She was just really different and she was like a puzzle that I could never figure out. There always seemed to be something new that she brought into the fold that would always spice things up.
But the thing about her was that she was way too different for friends and that just killed me. She was very shy and reserved around others and any interaction that my friends would have with her would always turn out awkward and weird. It really sucked for me because I wanted to show everyone how great of a person my girlfriend was, but I just couldn't. And then things began to pile up, starting with big events like Virginia Tech and down to little things about I didn't want to hang out with her after work or why I didn't want to go to see fireworks with her. These stupid arguments that no couple should ever have began tearing our relationship apart. The little things that I loved about her earlier in the relationship eventually caught up with me.
What I used to love about her was now what I just couldn't stand. I know there's nothing I could have done about it, but it was just those small little things that bugged me and made things worse. And it wasn't helping my internship at all as our little struggles were really affecting my performance at work.
Basically, I was tired of figuring out the puzzle that was known as her. I gave up. I told her that I wanted a break, just some time off because I needed to focus on work and not her. I was just sick of her for the time being not forever. I was tired. Tired of fighting with her. Almost every conversation turned into an argument. I just needed some time for me and just to focus on my life and what I wanted to do. I was 19 years old and I wanted to live my life before settling down with someone. She didn't take the news too well and left me with a letter tell me her last words. I haven't responded back so consider this as my reply.
We both said that we wanted to be friends, but it never worked out that way. A few jokes or animosity over a couple of drinks towards her on my part may have had something to do with it. Or maybe it was the drunk call back in September when I told her that I was still in love with her. I don't know or why that ever came about, but it should have never happened. Or maybe it about how each time we talk, its incredibly awkward to talk without mentioning our relationship. Either way, no matter what you can attribute it to, she and I don't talk anymore.
I want to fix that. I want to be friends with her again. Forget all the bad blood, it's time to start over and make amends. No, this isn't a trick to get her in my pants again, it's just hard to hold back two years' worth of memories. But my task is huge, how do I become friends with someone who I was physically attracted to for years. It may seem impossible, but I'm up to the challenge.
I know you're reading this, what are you waiting for?
So here's the story behind this whole thing. I dated this girl for a year and half. She was incredible, probably one the nicest and most attractive women that I've ever seen in my life. She was a great girlfriend, the type that would go that extra mile for you and do anything to brighten your day. The thing about her was that she was different from any other girl I had been with or any of my friends. She hated sports. She refused to watch them and could not understand why I would get so happy watching men sweat all over each other. She was also a vegetarian, which was unique because I for one, loved meat and could not imagine ever living without it. She was just really different and she was like a puzzle that I could never figure out. There always seemed to be something new that she brought into the fold that would always spice things up.
But the thing about her was that she was way too different for friends and that just killed me. She was very shy and reserved around others and any interaction that my friends would have with her would always turn out awkward and weird. It really sucked for me because I wanted to show everyone how great of a person my girlfriend was, but I just couldn't. And then things began to pile up, starting with big events like Virginia Tech and down to little things about I didn't want to hang out with her after work or why I didn't want to go to see fireworks with her. These stupid arguments that no couple should ever have began tearing our relationship apart. The little things that I loved about her earlier in the relationship eventually caught up with me.
What I used to love about her was now what I just couldn't stand. I know there's nothing I could have done about it, but it was just those small little things that bugged me and made things worse. And it wasn't helping my internship at all as our little struggles were really affecting my performance at work.
Basically, I was tired of figuring out the puzzle that was known as her. I gave up. I told her that I wanted a break, just some time off because I needed to focus on work and not her. I was just sick of her for the time being not forever. I was tired. Tired of fighting with her. Almost every conversation turned into an argument. I just needed some time for me and just to focus on my life and what I wanted to do. I was 19 years old and I wanted to live my life before settling down with someone. She didn't take the news too well and left me with a letter tell me her last words. I haven't responded back so consider this as my reply.
We both said that we wanted to be friends, but it never worked out that way. A few jokes or animosity over a couple of drinks towards her on my part may have had something to do with it. Or maybe it was the drunk call back in September when I told her that I was still in love with her. I don't know or why that ever came about, but it should have never happened. Or maybe it about how each time we talk, its incredibly awkward to talk without mentioning our relationship. Either way, no matter what you can attribute it to, she and I don't talk anymore.
I want to fix that. I want to be friends with her again. Forget all the bad blood, it's time to start over and make amends. No, this isn't a trick to get her in my pants again, it's just hard to hold back two years' worth of memories. But my task is huge, how do I become friends with someone who I was physically attracted to for years. It may seem impossible, but I'm up to the challenge.
I know you're reading this, what are you waiting for?
Friday, January 11, 2008
Introductions
Hello, world. I don’t know if we have ever met before, so let me introduce myself. My name is Jason (that's my handsome face on the left) and I think that we are going to be pretty good friends before its all said and done. I could give you the whole spiel about my life, my physical features, and even what foods I’m allergic to. But I know, even though your head might nod, you don’t care. It’s ok, world. I understand. There’s a lot of bullshit out there in today’s world, and if you don’t bundle up, it will pour all over you. Anyway, enough with this bullshit that I speak of. And if you were truly interested, you could just ask me. So here’s the deal. In my twenty years of existence on this Earth, I have not accomplished a lot. No, I did not get a perfect score on the SAT, nor did I ever win a student government election worth a shit despite my multiple attempts. Even my proudest achievement, a 4.0 GPA was ruined this past summer by an internship where I toiled my life away shipping banners, fixing spreadsheets, and wearing spandex (more on that later). It’s harder to attract women when you tell them that you’ve got an ugly 3.964 instead of that sexy 4.0 that just rolls off the tongue. Not that I would ever condone someone using their GPA as a pickup line.
Recently scorned by my loss of academic perfection, I had looked for ways to become ambitious and challenge myself in different ways. However, the motivation that I badly needed came from of all people, my mother. She and I were having a conversation about college, and I told her, straight up, that I wished it was over. I was tired of dealing with my school about graduation and I was freaking out about finding an internship that would put me in great shape to get a job when I got out of school. And then, my mother suddenly morphed from the caring, understanding person that I’m used into a insensitive motivational speaker. My mother had decided that it would be best to give her son some advice about how a person should never keep wishing for things to happen, instead to make things happen.
I refuse to listen to my mother anymore. Ever since she came down to school and she accused me and my friends of being on drugs, I don’t really listen to what she’s saying other than when she instructs me to take out the trash or to go to bed. But the thing about my mother’s message was that it kind of stuck in a way. She had recently been ill and the whole point of everything that she was saying resounded in my head. “Don’t wish life away. Do something with your life.” Hmmmm. Sounded like a good idea.
To find something to do with my life, I began looking for ideas. My quest to find a challenge had come up empty until I found my “99 things to do before I die” list on my laptop. I had created the list a couple of years ago, out of sheer boredom, to have something to work for. Most of the goals are either a) ridiculously unattainable or b) stupid and the more mature version of myself would never consider most of the list. Plus, I was young and naïve when I made the list, before I had an ex-girlfriend who sucked the life out of me for a year and a half and before I entered college. So I had to severely revise this list if I was ever going to challenge myself to complete it. And that’s what I did.
I have created a list of 99 things that I would like to accomplish before I turn the age of 30. Most of these tasks are pretty simple (ex: do a kegstand, shave my head, etc.), but some of them will require some planning and money (ex: leave the country, attend Spring Break). Also, I didn’t want a life list. I am a very impatient person and I refuse to wait for the rest of my life to accomplish these things. I think that 30 is a sensible deadline for me to complete these tasks, for by the time I reach that age, my life as I know it will be over because of marriage, children, and career. This list is like a make or break kind of thing with my life. I have this feeling that if someone doesn’t complete their life list, they will be on their deathbed knowing that they failed at what they wanted to do with their life. Not for me, ladies and gents. I want to know at a relatively young age whether or not my life is a success. If it is, then that would be awesome. If not, I would have at least 40 years to turn things around. Consider this an elongated short-term goal. I have a lot to complete in nine and a half years. But I think if I can keep myself determined and be persistent, then all of these tasks will be easy.
Through creating the 99 things to do before I turn 30 list, I hope to broaden my horizons and discover the person I really am. In my life, I have always been told what to do or where to go, and now, I want to blaze my own trail in life. This is an opportunity to show myself and the world of my extraordinary capabilities. They may not be as great as they seem, but I would like to think that way, so don’t ruin my hopes here. Life is full of journeys and adventures. I want to experience them. I want feel that exhilaration with the wind in your hair without a care in the world about what you are doing or even where you are going. I want to do things that people always wish to do, but yet they never set aside the time or will necessary to complete them.
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