Tuesday, April 29, 2008


Don't expect much over the next week. I've got finals tomorrow and Thursday and I'm currently in the process of moving back home for the summer. I've been seriously questioning my motives to study since I need 60's and 70's on my finals to get A's. Bow in the presence of genius, people. So those who are waiting for another scintillating post will have to wait a little more. I promise that this summer will be full of fun and adventure.

Friday, April 25, 2008

#64: Learn a Dance (part IV)

Finally! I have learned a motherfucking dance. After wasting my Monday nights, learning the same repetitive moves, and listening to music that makes my ears bleed, I'd like to think I successfully passed the shagging course that I took this semester. I'd like to think so because I just had my debut last night, but whether or not I pass Intro to Shag remains to be seen.

The reason I'd like to say I've passed my Shagging Class is because I had my debut last night. Yes, that debut that was long awaited by me and what I publicized multiple times on this very site. Well, it happened and it pretty much went without a hitch. It was nothing like I expected. Instead of the glaring lights and everyone watching me dance with some ugly bitch, I was dancing on the floor with a bunch of other people, having a good time.

But there was a slight problem with the debut last night. My debut happened to occur at the same time as the Game 3 of the Cavaliers-Wizards series. I understand the first two games were duds from the perspective of a Wizards fan such as myself, but the thrashing that the Wizards incurred on the Cavs and LeBron last night made me so happy. Upon hearing that the Wizards were winning by 25 in the third quarter, I promptly left the dancefloor to go watch my beloved Wizards destroy LeBron. I'm not a big fan of shagging, and I couldn't really give a fuck about it especially when my team is beating the living crap out the team and player that I despise the most. I stayed and watched the game until my friends arrived. By the way, thank you all who showed up, you know you are, and I really appreciate it.

And now, upon the completion of learning how to shag, the days of me having two left feet are long gone baby. Watch out world, because this guy (me) is a dance machine who is a force to be reckoned with. Bring any lady my way, and I'm sure I will be able to seduce her with my amazing dance skills. But the point is that the Wizards > shagging, every fucking time, no matter what.

With that being said, I now have 8 out the 99 things on my list completed. It's a start and hopefully, with summer, things on the list will start to get done instead of being incessantly talked about.

Friday, April 18, 2008


You Dirty Google!

Apparently, Google Image Search has a dirty mind when it comes to looking up images related to the tag of "shagging." I would love to share the many wonderful images of naked women getting boned, but you can search for it and beat off to it for yourself. Instead, I decided on a nice little picture of a man fucking a sheep via Photoshop.

Lucky enough for you, my shagging debut was not last night. In fact, it won't be another week. It's not until NEXT Thursday, April 24. Same time, same place. So if you want to come, listen to some Bee Gees and Temptations, and dance a little bit, you're more than welcome to do so.

But of course not.

If you're going to come, you're only coming to watch me make a fool of myself on the dancefloor. And that's fine, so long as you enjoy it. Come out and have some fun next Thursday. I hopefully won't be seeing you there.

#81: Start Beef with Someone

Although I'd like to think of myself as a nice person, there are some people I just hate. And most of the time I don't even know them. They just give off a look that makes you want to punch them in the face. I guess that's what college can do to you, making you hate any person who even has the semblance of a douchebag. The best example of this is my roommate.

this is what google thinks a douchebag is. however, not my roommate.

I never thought I would have a roommate as bad as the first one I had my freshman year of college. That first one is the roommate from hell. At least my freshman roommate would talk to me, and then would steal my shit, try to sell me knives, cut raw meat on his desk, sexile me, and best of all almost got me kicked out of school. Way to go first roommate! This new roommate isn't as bad, but he's a close second. He's annoying, angry, dirty, and French. (ed note: I am by no means an ethnocentrist, but him being French doesn't really help out a whole lot.) Did I ever mention that he doesn't talk to me? Yeah, what a fucking jerk.

You're thinking that maybe I'm not giving this guy a chance. You'd probably say "he's probably a good guy." No. Absolutely not. This year, I made the decision to live international exchange students, as a resume booster and way to "spread my wings" as they say. When I first met my roommate, he seemed like a nice guy, but he looked like he was trying too hard to be a rebel. He liked smoking cigarettes all the time, listening to "punk" music, and coming off to others a whiny little bitch. Whenever, my roommate got really excited about something, he would say "DEWDE! DEWDE! DAT'S SOOOO KEWL! DEWDE! YAA!" so much that it would make me want to rip his vocal cords out.

He and I started out on friendly terms, but that lasted only for so long. The nice, affable guy that I first met turned into a complete recluse, shutting his door and always bitching about shit. He would also completely ignore me and my other roommates, and its gotten to the point I can't take his high-browed, egotistical ways. Everytime I turn on the fan on our apartment to turn cool the place down, he always turns it off like a little bitch. Everytime I place my music too loud, he bitches about it and tells me to turn it down, yet when he rocks out to Less Than Jake, I can't say shit to him. The last straw came this past week, when I returned to finding a towel that was dry, crusty, and smelling of "sex."Needless to say, I was disgusted by this and that was motivation enough to finally pull the trigger on this.

So here's the point: I hate my roommate. I'm tired of his shit. Therefore, I am going to start some shit with him and fight fire with fire. If he wants to play this game of being a little bitch, then two can play. I plan on annoying the fuck out of my roommate for te next two weeks and get him back for all the bitching and faggotry he's done for the past 8 months. I hope I have the balls to do it, because I want to make him pay, but at the same time, I don't want to get in a lot of trouble for it. This douchebag deserves it.

Suggestions for retribution are more than welcome. Leave your comments as what I should do. We need to make him pay.

Saturday, April 12, 2008


Many thanks to the 11 people who actually voted in my latest poll: "What kind of girl should I date next?" But in reality, the thanks should go out to my friend Mike, who apparently voted three times in this poll, so I certainly hope his choice prevailed. As for the poll, about a month ago, I asked you all the kind of girl I should date next. The whole thing behind the poll is that I need to start dating again. It's been nearly nine months since I last had a girlfriend and drunken hookups with college coeds are just not cutting it these days. I need something more, perhaps a little something something on the side that I can just wine and dine, and perhaps something more. (holy shit, i said "something" four times in that last sentence) Nothing too much, it's not like I'm finding someone to marry with this whole endeavor.

As with the poll, I gave you, the people, four different types of girls that I could conceivably date, and then the option for me to delight in the whole shmorgasboard(sp) of these fine women. And the winner of the poll is...ALL OF THEM!!!!! Apparently, you all like to see me suffer through this pain and treachery of dating a fat chick, a bitch, a foreign woman, and a Jesusfreak. Fuck you all. Unlike the previous poll, I will man up to this and in fact, date all these women. I might as well, because I have nothing currently coming my way and this will be mildly entertaining.

My plan of action to do this in conjunction with one of the 99 things on my list, #45: Blind date on Craigslist. I plan to use the online dating service of Craigslist, a site notoriously known for SWF's who are just down to get freaky. I often read these posts and find how hilarious the people who are searching for their Mr. Right with qualities that no man has. And now I'm going to come into these women's worlds and completely fuck their lives up even further. (Go me!) This will be interesting, to say the least. I'm actually going to wait to do this until I return home for the summer, because I think I can get a better scope of what I'm looking for in Washington, DC rather than in Columbia, SC. Here's to hoping that this isn't a disaster.

Friday, April 11, 2008

#64: Learn a Dance (Part III)

So as my five loyal followers may be aware of this, I'm currently taking a shagging (the dance, not fucking) class this semester. As this semester is beginning to wind down and now that I've learned all of these flippin' sweet dance moves, it's time to put them work. You see, part of my grade in this class is to make a public debut and "shag" in public in front of everyone who wishes to see it. So, yeah. I'm comforted to know that I'm going to get laughed and embarass myself throughly for a one-credit course. Awesome!

As much as I want to tell you all it's going to be like that dancing scene in Saturday Night Fever, it won't be. The whole thing will consist of fratastic toolbags who wear the kind of shorts my father does, dancing to slow songs that make me want to puke my brains out. Look, I love Barry White as much as any other person, but I know that Mr. White and baby-making music is better suited to the sack instead of the dancefloor.

But anyway, my shagging debut is (unfortunately) next Thursday, April 17. I'll probably be there, as long as I'm able to wear a polyester suit and some gold chains. Obviously, I am not going to dress like so many of those douches who wear camouflage and boat shoes. I will not stoop that low to look like everyone else. If you're interested in attending and witnessing me shake my groovething on the dancefloor, then it's at Jillian's in the Vista. That's right, I gave you all the date, time, and location so there are no excuses for missing out.

I hope I do not see anyone there.

Breaking the Curse

So the last time I posted, I gloated on the fact about how my Washington Nationals were 3-0. That was on April 4, approximately one week from today. My how things have changed. Since the last time I've posted, the Nationals have proceeded to return to their losing ways, dropping SEVEN GAMES IN A ROW.

So to stop their losing ways, I have called in the forces of the witch doctor from Scooby Doo. This losing streak needs to stop badly. It's only April and I need to get through June with that hope that we can make the playoffs before I can turn my attention to the Redskins. Look, I know the Nats are supposed to be bad, but a SEVEN GAME LOSING STREAK in April? Please. Get that junk up out of here. Losing streaks of this magnitude are meant for August and September but not in freaking April. Get it together Nats. So here's to hoping that they cease their losing ways and finally win another game.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Ohhh My

On today, Thursday April 3, 2008, the Washington Nationals are in first place. They have the best record in baseball. Someone wake me because I'm dreaming. I just wanted to post this before they actually lose this afternoon to the Phillies. Again, nothing to do with 99thingsbefore30, but still relevant.

Suck it everyone.