#64: Learn a Dance (part II)

As you may have read in previous entries, I'm taking a shagging class this semester in a futile attempt to learn how to dance. After the many instances in which I have thoroughly embarassed myself at proms, semi-formals, and other organized dances, I figured that learning how to dance may be of great use before my friends get married and see this atrocious act. Taking shagging may have been the worst sober decision that I have made at school and I regret it every Monday night. (Yes, I have made so many drunk decisions while in college that will eventually be told at some point.)

So when I signed up for the class, I thought that I was going to dick around for the two hour classes, meet some girls, and hopefully learn some sweet dance moves. However, the lack of coordination that has led me to become such a bad dancer in the first place is the main reason as to why I fucking blow at shagging. Case in point: We had to dance with partners in front of the whole class last week. Each girl had to pick a guy to dance with and they would dance to a random song that the instructor would select. Of course, all of the attractive girls who knew how to dance picked the guys who could shimmy, shake, and all that jazz. Girl after girl kept passing on me for these fucking tools who could dance until the girl who dressed and danced like my dead grandmother ended up with this dance machine. Dancing with her is not that bad, except for the fact that she sways her head to the rhythm like she’s a fucking pendulum, and she counts the beats out loud while the song is playing. SHUT THE FUCK UP WOMAN. No one else is counting the beats and neither should you. but she has two left feet.

Another thing that I learned from taking this is class is that I have to make my public shagging debut in downtown Columbia at the end of April. Oh shit. I'm fucking terrified of the notion of people who shag watch me dance horribly and I have this recurring thought that I'm really going to fuck this thing up in front of everyone. So yeah, if you want to see me make a complete fool of myself, then come to this debut. It will be so awesome to the point that you don't even know.

Despite my bad dancing and ugly shag partners, the best part of shagging is the ELECTRIC SLIDE. The ELECTRIC SLIDE IS THE BALLS FOR THOSE WHO ARE NOT AWARE OF ITS SHEER GREATNESS. Every pool party in my childhood was always capped off with parents and kids doing the boogie-woogie-woogie-woo on the dancefloor. So when something as awesome as the Electric Slide comes on, I can't help but to let loose and get busy on the dancefloor.Last week during class, I learned that shag clubs actually play the Electric Slide, so I convinced my instructor to let us do the Electric Slide in class. To say the least, it was ballin'. If my debut consists of doing the Electric Slide, then it could quite possibly be the best thing ever. Here's to wishful thinking.