Monday, May 12, 2008

Craigslist Updates

I now know why people pursue and use online dating. Because they fucking suck at life and cannot get a date to save their lives. In the week that I have browsed the Craigslist women-for-men personal ads, the assortment of ads that I have seen have ranged from women WHO WRITE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS AND YET THEY CANT SPEL A SINGEL THIGN WRITE to the women who don't want to be hurt yet again in a relationship only because the guy probably came to the conclusion that she was butt-ugly. Oh yeah, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the massive amounts of ads where fat black women have an obsession for skinny white boys such as myself. I would not be surprised if these women ate those poor young men instead of suffocating and crushing them with their massive frames.

As I write this post, I have responded to a bunch of personal ads on Craigslist and I have not gotten far with anyone. No one. Out of the many desperate people that I have contacted in the past week, I haven't gotten past the second e-mail, which may be a sign that they are not real, or they have found another man to bitch and complain to. (Don't cry for me, I'm happy that these women don't have to contact me ever again.) I'm convinced that these women on Craigslist are bots for dating websites, as many of the e-mails in response to the ones that I send are advertisements for me to try these sites. Personally, I think it's a brilliant idea that these sites do this, as a way to draw desperate love-seeking people to their site. However, it does not work for my plan, which has nothing to do with finding love, but rather breaking women's hearts and destroying any self-esteem that I have in undertaking this.

So here's the deal. I plan to complete whore myself out to the internets soon. If they're fat, skinny, bitchy, psycho, or just plain ugly, I want them. I want to take them out to a nice seafood dinner and never call them again. I want to give them the impression that I'm serious with them and then just break their heart. I want to know what it feels like to go on a date with an ugly woman with a beard or hell, a woman with a hairpiece. I'll them that their prosthetic leg is sexy and how I'll get a hard-on if they show me their stump.* The point is, I want to get this done as soon as possible and I don't want this to draw out over the summer and interfere with my life. I don't care what happens, I just want this to end.

*- No way. That is fucking disgusting and anyone should be ashamed if they like to beat it to that. Sick fuckers.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

this is turning out to be everything i hoped for

One Average Dude said...

you read my mind mike

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHA! I actually laughed out lous for ages!

viagra said...

online dating is like the internet. most of the internet is trash and you can find some valuable thing in there.

Viagra said...

I like to read their updates when I am bored. Too funny.