Fuck Anyone Named Stephen

After much correspondence via e-mail, the girl and I finally decided to meet up. Even though I do have apprehensions about this, especially with her being extremely religious and not very attractive, I decided to go through it anyway, since I was the one who brought up the idea of meeting up. I stupidly gave her my phone number and yesterday, I awoke to a "good morning! :-)" text from her. I suddenly thought that going out with her was probably the highlight of her day, while it was probably fourth or fifth for me, behind coaching, going to the gym, making a ballin' rap/techno mix, and watching paint dry on walls. I could bore you on the details of how the story kept going, but all that happened was a series of texts between her and I, which made my feelings about this progressively worse. I know, boring shit.

The date itself wasn't bad. It wasn't good either, which doesn't really tell you much. It was a weird date. Although I tried and tried and tried to convince myself to back out of this while I could, I followed through with the date. Not to say that I attempted to cancel, by playing the "I don't know where it is, so I can't come" card. I've had people cancel on me before, shit, I even had once girl lie about the fact that her aunt was dead so she could leave. It would only be fitting if I were to return such a favor. However, that was quickly shot down as she texted me the address of the place, which thwarted my plans. I mean I like to say that I'm a man of my word, but when it comes to women and dating, I'm very picky and will backtrack to force my way out of things.

I orignially thought the date was between her and I, just a nice little romantic dinner between the two of us where we would eat, get to know each other, and go our separate ways. But no, that's never the case. After parking my car in Northwest, paying some dude $20 with the hope that my car won't get broken into, and briskly walking towards the restaurant, I see her. However, she's not by herself, she's standing with two other people. The texts I ignored during the car ride came back to bite my in the ass, as one them included "is it cool if i bring my friends?" Obviously, it was too late to say FUCK NO, but you have to go with what you can. Apparently, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I finally met with the girl, her friend, and her friend's boyfriend, Stephen.

Now I mentioned Stephen's name, because I fucking hate him. Stephen is the epitome of everything I do not like about people in the world. He is fat, a complete tool, a fucking nerd, speaks with annoying lisp, and thinks he is hot shit. Stephen is the guy on the right in the picture, because he kept his Facebook profile public like a real asshole would. (Suck it.) I would have smacked him for some of the things that he said, but that would not have worked out so well, because Stephen was once in the Air Force. At the restaurant in which we ate at, there was a booth where there is a small table that is surrounded by large cushions and looks rather scenic. Once we enter the restaurant, Stephen comes up with the bright idea for us to sit at the booth.

Yes, it was a great idea at the time, but no one would have expected poor Stephen to break a sweat slurping his soup. Once he gets his Tortilla Soup from the waiter, Stephen begins to perspire as if we're in the middle of the desert. Of course, we moved, so that the poor man would not soak himself in sweat during the course of eating. Stephen was not feeling much better now that he was away from the blazing hot lights of the booth. He finishes his soup and randomly decides that he is going to mix the salsa and queso that we ordered separately, into the same bowl. Without consulting the rest of our table, Stephen is proactive and proceed to dump the entire bowl of salsa in the piping-hot container of queso. Great idea once again, Stephen. It's too bad that I didn't like my salsa and cheese mixed together because I was eating some damn good chips.

The girl and I finally begin to talk to each other and things seem to be going well. That is, until Stephen interjects and starts talking about himself. I can't remember what he was saying for the life of me, but it sounded really important because he was making all of these crazy arm movements and was still sweating profusely. It felt like I was talking to an animal the whole night, because I couldn't understand the guy with his lisp and he made really spastic movements like a retard. Oh yeah and then there was that one time he got really excited about something and the next thing I knew, spit flew onto my burrito. Thanks Stephen, I bet you were hoping that I didn't see that. But I did dumbfuck. Don't think you got away with that shit.

Speaking of Stephens, I fucking hate all Stephens. For instance, I'm watching TRL (don't ask why) and the fan of the week's name is Stephen. He's from Canada, was probably dropped as a baby, and is a complete tool. The rest of date wasn't worth mentioning, which leads me to believe that the girl is incredibly boring. I was invited to hang out with them after dinner, but of course, doing so would result in me hurting Stephen. Fuck Stephen. I fucking hate him.