The Results are In

After all of the precincts have tabulated their final results and have reported back to HQ, we finally have a winner in the month-long "What Thing On My List Should I Do Next?" contest. Apparently, only 12 people, including myself, have exercised their civic duty and voted and for that you receive a nice congratulatory pat on the back. By a narrow margin, "Do A Kegstand" is the winning, receiving half of those 12 votes.

So I guess I will have to concentrate my efforts on doing a kegstand now, which sounds really stupid and gay. Like I'm actually going to seek out a keg to do this. If a keg presents itself and says "Hey, you, drink from my spout," then I most certainly will. And by a keg, I mean a metal container that can hold up to 150 cans of beer and not other things that perverts and other similar figures think of. I'm pretty sure this goal can be completed very easily, seeing as how I'm in college and kegs are a dime a dozen here.

Now as for my next poll, I'm going to shift gears for a change. After being amazed at the remarkable amount of touching and revealing personals that are strewn across the internets, I have decided that I am going see what these women are all about. So the question is, ladies and gents:

What kind of girl should I go for in online dating?

A. Big woman

B. Trashy woman

C. Bitch woman

D. Foreign woman

E. Religious woman

F. Write-in vote.

You can pick multiple choices on this one folks, THERE IS NO WRONG ANSWER PEOPLE!!! Comments are more than welcome. I have a feeling that this will be very entertaining.

DISCLOSURE

this is in no way an attempt to demean women. it is solely for entertainment purposes. if you have an objection to this, then leave the site. you have so many better things to do than to read about a college student's musings about his stupid and childish goals. and if you are ridiculously offended by it because i have decided to sink this low for my blog, please that this is not serious and i only plan on this being a one and done deal, and you probably could have had your chance, but of course that is never the case. AND if you dated me, suck my balls woman. you deserve it for completely erasing me entirely from your life.

My Fellow Readers.

My Fellow Readers,

As you see in the top left hand corner of this blog, there is a little poll that asks my readers to choose the next task that I should accomplish on my list. It's been up there for over a month, and only four people have voted on it. And that includes myself, so technically only three people have voted in it. Although I might be first to admit that only three people read this site, Sitemeter apparently tells a different story, since a lot more than three people visit this site. That's right, I've got fucking Sitemeter, so I are watching u n00bzz. So someone, either you or a computer, is lying to me. Obviously, I would never call you readers liars but then again, you never know.

People, stand up and have your voice heard!!! Well not really, since the leading votegetter "Go to March Madness" is completely out of the question, thanks in part, to my Sport Finance class. But vote anyway, it's your duty as a reader, and the only requirement is that you have be able to read and click a mouse. It's that simple. Not only will I refuse to listen to your opinions, the poll is only for shits and giggles. So suck it to whomever voted to think I honestly care about what I'm doing next. But seriously, I might consider it, so voting is still important. Thank you once again and God Bless America!

Sincerely,

Your Blogging Overlord

Puffy's gonna straight up murda yo ass if u don't vote.

Thanks to CWA and AfroPlodge for the pictures.

BFtP: #39 Get Featured on a Sports Blog

Blast from the Past is a semi-rare segment that will grace 99thingsbefore30 every so often, when either I have completely run out of material or when I have completely run out of material, as this sentence has thoroughly proved. BFtP will delve into the depths of history to uncover tales about myself and how I completed certain tasks that have not been previously mentioned on this site. \It won't be pretty but we'll tell it to you like it is. Run-on sentences, misspelings, and random thoughts are the name of the game here, so yeah, it's kind of like that. And so without further adieu, we turn the clock back to July 31, 2007, where we meet young Jason as he heads towards Redskins Training Camp practice.


In my last post, we left a juncture where uncertainty loomed. Yes, I had achieved initial success in getting autographs for my traffic cone. But of course, some Redskins players thought they were honestly too good for the cone and can honestly suck my dick for that. Will I quit and give up? Or will I persevere through this adversity and rise to the occasion? Now, let's return to where we were in the story.

"The cone began to gain some notoriety with the players and the fans, as the fans would cheer every time the cone was signed. I’m sure everyone thought it was pretty badass of me to bring a cone in comparison to their hat or ball. Shawn Springs and Dan Steinberg (writer of the DC Sports Bog) received word of the cone and made their way over to where I was standing. Shawn took my sharpie and put his bane on the cone, while I invited Steinberg to come sign it. I love Steinberg as a writer and I felt that it would be fitting for the legend himself to leave his mark on the cone. Steinberg asked me a few questions about the cone, but I think I blabbered a few words to him after I (pooed) my pants. (again, not really, but close). Carlos “Yellow Socks” Rogers and Fred “Sex Boat” Smoot also came over to the cone, but wouldn’t sign it because they go to gay SEC schools and know that they have to cover something more than the bed to touch this cone.


But the highlight of the day was Chris Cooley. Chris is a fan favorite around these parts and was more than willing to sign the cone. However, when he was signing the cone, he asked, “So, did you steal the cone.” And I said, “Uhhhh, No… Sir.” Cooley laughed as strolled off onto the sunset. No other players came around for they headed to do press or the locker room so thus, the cone had to be put away for the day. A security guard who spotted us as we were leaving had other plans for the cone as he told us that it had to be returned. We pleaded with the man showing him that the cone was ours and how it was different from the rest. I finally got the cone in the trunk and drove away with a hell of an adventure today."

Is the story over? I think not. Check back tomorrow to see how your hero becomes a local celebrity for a day and what happens when his bosses find out? Is the Cone still there? Did you ever bong a beer with it or do something weird to it? All of your inquisitive questions will be answered tomorrow in Part 3 of 3 (or is it) of our epic tale. It's going to be FUN, FUN, FUN!

Blast From the Past: #39: Get Featured on a Sports Blog

Blast from the Past is a semi-rare segment that will grace 99thingsbefore30 every so often, when either I have completely run out of material or when I have completely run out of material, as this sentence has thoroughly proved. BFtP will delve into the depths of history to uncover tales about myself and how I completed certain tasks that have not been previously mentioned on this site. \It won't be pretty but we'll tell it to you like it is. Run-on sentences, misspelings, and random thoughts are the name of the game here, so yeah, it's kind of like that. And so without further adieu, we turn the clock back to July 31, 2007, where we meet young Jason as he heads towards Redskins Training Camp practice.

I can't really explain the story better than this. So here was my firsthand account of the whole story via Cock With Writers' Bloc.

"I went to training camp today for the Washington Redskins in Ashburn, VA. I had the day off from work, so my friends and I decided to hit up camp and experience it firsthand. We went all (crazy) with this, as we created a Facebook event, brought jerseys, and even carpooled up to Ashburn. At training camp, the word on the street from friends and other fans was that players would usually sign autographs for awhile after practice. When I heard this, I jumped at this chance, but I had nothing really great in terms of Redskins paraphernalia. Most people bring hats, balls, jerseys, etc. for players to sign, but that would be really boring and wouldn’t stand out. With the clock ticking against me, I had little time to buy new Redskins stuff. I grabbed a traffic cone from the trunk of my old car, that a friend had left in there previously, and we made our way to Ashburn.

We arrived at Redskins Park as practice was starting. I busted out the cone from my trunk and proceeded to carry it from the car into the viewing area. I watched the practice as I sweated my butt off, but I wasn’t interested in watching Ladell Betts fumble or see Carlos Rogers wear yellow socks. I didn’t haul this (thing) for a 30-minute drive to wear as a dunce cap or to direct traffic. I wanted some (flippin) autographs on this cone.

Practice ended after 90 minutes and the players slowly start to migrate towards the fans. I felt really unsure about this whole idea because 1) it was a (flipping) cone and 2) i was in front of kids. I hate children but the kids are more likely to get love from the players, since they had balls and hats, while I was a college student with a (flipping) cone. The players made their way over to where the cone and I were, and I lifted the heavy cone into the air. I yelled at the top of my lungs for Jason Campbell to sign my cone and Jason’s godly presence touched my cone as he grabbed the Sharpie out my trembling hand and signed it. I then knew what it felt to be a teenage girl seeing their favorite boy band. Except I didn’t cry.

I thought that it was pretty tits to get Campbell’s autograph, but then His Majesty Joe Gibbs made his way through the crowd and saw the cone as well. He took his sharpie and magically chicken scratched his John Hancock onto my cone. And then he and Sean Taylor proceeded to slap two (women) next me. (No, not really) Then we hit some bumps in the road. Rock Cartwright and Marcus Washington decided that they were too good for the cone and completely ignored the large orange cone that was in their face. It’s cool, you know, because Cartwright sucks and deserves to be cut after not signing it and Marcus Washington can just straight up suck my left nut."

To be continued...

Tomorrow: Learn Part 2 of our 3 part tale. What happens to Jason as he hits a bump in the road? Does it quit or keep on trucking? And what does a sports blog have to do with this.? Stay tuned and read about it tomorrow.

#64: Learn a Dance

I'll admit it. I am a very bad dancer. I should have no business whatsoever setting foot onto a dancefloor. I have two left feet, I've got no shimmy, nor can I move with the music. Dancing and me just do not mix. We've never mixed. If So You Think You Can Dance were ever to ask me that question, I would give them a straight up "no." And even if I was a star, I'm sure Bruno and Carrie-Lee would escort me off the stage and hurl my dancing shoes and I onto the street.

if there was a pictorial representation of me dancing, this would be it.

I can still remember those awkward dances in high school, where I would break it down in a way that would be similar to person having a seizure, even to the point where they're foaming at the mouth. Plus I'll never forget going to my ex-girlfriend's senior prom, where I proceeded to embarrass her thoroughly with the routine of dance moves my friends and I performed. The Cabbage Patch, the Water Sprinkler, the Harlem Shake, Rump Shaking, the Electric Slide, the Cha-Cha Slide, Reeling in the Fish, the Macarena, the White Boy dance, the Lasso, even the Guido Dance , all of them were out in full force that night. Let's just say that people have never looked at me in the same manner after that night.

So I'm trying to change all of that. How so? I'm taking a Shagging class this semester down at school. Unfortunately, it is not a "Shagging" class, where I learn to properly hook up with women, although I wish it were so. No, according to my friend the Internets, Shagging is basically a dance that can only be found in the Carolinas and Georgia which consists of a hops, steps, and turns that is danced to moderately slow songs. The shag dance is sort of a lazy jitterbug, done on beaches, often at night, always with someone of the opposite sex. According to me, Shagging is a fucking stupid dance where you run in place with a partner and doing crazy twists and turns while listening to the Temptations or Bee Gees. Apparently, it's the state dance of South Carolina, so it must be significant for that reason alone.

"YEAAA BABY! YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO RANDY! SHALL WE SHAG BABY?"

Why am I learning shag? The reasons are threefold. 1) I fucking blow at dancing and I want to learn something useful. 2) I need a one-credit course to take in order to graduate in December. 3) Meet women. It's like killing three birds with one stone right there. So once a week, I am enrolled in Introduction to Shag, where I learn the complexities of the dance with our prospective Shaggers. Through four weeks of the class, I have learned that I completely suck at shag and cannot for the life of me, keep on rhythm with the song.

This is a scary proposition because apparently, we have to make a public debut in downtown Columbia later this semester and dance in front of anyone who shows up. Oh man. I'll keep you guys updated.

Thanks.

Talk about amazing. When I started this blog, I originally thought that no one would read this and those who did would not really care about the material I write. But much to my surprise, people actually have come to this site to read about my progress towards my 99 things. And they actually like this stuff, which is the most surprising part.

I think that its really cool to have readers who talk to you about your blog. It's really flattering to have people come here and waste their time reading about my life's adventures. I guess that's the whole goal with this thing: to have people procrastinate and waste time by reading interesting things.

So to my five loyal readers, thank you. I just hope that you keep reading.

#15 Work for a Sports Team (part II)

So last week I had my interview with the National Basketball Association about the possibility of working for them as a Summer intern. After speaking with some random HR guy for the longest 25 minutes of my life, I figured that I will definitely not get a call back from him about doing a second interview. I thought I did pretty well in some respects, without the long pauses and the "Fuck, I totally forgot what I said" comment. Perhaps I should have taken the interview a lot more seriously than some informal phone conversation.

Way to go me. 0 for 2 on my attempts to do something on the list. I need to find some motivation or some fucking luck before I get started on this list again. 2 major setbacks have kind of ruined any hope of getting this thing close to finished. Well, we will see what happens in the future and if anything happens, it'll be right up here.