Blast From the Past: #39: Get Featured on a Sports Blog

Blast from the Past is a semi-rare segment that will grace 99thingsbefore30 every so often, when either I have completely run out of material or when I have completely run out of material, as this sentence has thoroughly proved. BFtP will delve into the depths of history to uncover tales about myself and how I completed certain tasks that have not been previously mentioned on this site. \It won't be pretty but we'll tell it to you like it is. Run-on sentences, misspelings, and random thoughts are the name of the game here, so yeah, it's kind of like that. And so without further adieu, we turn the clock back to July 31, 2007, where we meet young Jason as he heads towards Redskins Training Camp practice.

I can't really explain the story better than this. So here was my firsthand account of the whole story via Cock With Writers' Bloc.

"I went to training camp today for the Washington Redskins in Ashburn, VA. I had the day off from work, so my friends and I decided to hit up camp and experience it firsthand. We went all (crazy) with this, as we created a Facebook event, brought jerseys, and even carpooled up to Ashburn. At training camp, the word on the street from friends and other fans was that players would usually sign autographs for awhile after practice. When I heard this, I jumped at this chance, but I had nothing really great in terms of Redskins paraphernalia. Most people bring hats, balls, jerseys, etc. for players to sign, but that would be really boring and wouldn’t stand out. With the clock ticking against me, I had little time to buy new Redskins stuff. I grabbed a traffic cone from the trunk of my old car, that a friend had left in there previously, and we made our way to Ashburn.

We arrived at Redskins Park as practice was starting. I busted out the cone from my trunk and proceeded to carry it from the car into the viewing area. I watched the practice as I sweated my butt off, but I wasn’t interested in watching Ladell Betts fumble or see Carlos Rogers wear yellow socks. I didn’t haul this (thing) for a 30-minute drive to wear as a dunce cap or to direct traffic. I wanted some (flippin) autographs on this cone.

Practice ended after 90 minutes and the players slowly start to migrate towards the fans. I felt really unsure about this whole idea because 1) it was a (flipping) cone and 2) i was in front of kids. I hate children but the kids are more likely to get love from the players, since they had balls and hats, while I was a college student with a (flipping) cone. The players made their way over to where the cone and I were, and I lifted the heavy cone into the air. I yelled at the top of my lungs for Jason Campbell to sign my cone and Jason’s godly presence touched my cone as he grabbed the Sharpie out my trembling hand and signed it. I then knew what it felt to be a teenage girl seeing their favorite boy band. Except I didn’t cry.

I thought that it was pretty tits to get Campbell’s autograph, but then His Majesty Joe Gibbs made his way through the crowd and saw the cone as well. He took his sharpie and magically chicken scratched his John Hancock onto my cone. And then he and Sean Taylor proceeded to slap two (women) next me. (No, not really) Then we hit some bumps in the road. Rock Cartwright and Marcus Washington decided that they were too good for the cone and completely ignored the large orange cone that was in their face. It’s cool, you know, because Cartwright sucks and deserves to be cut after not signing it and Marcus Washington can just straight up suck my left nut."

To be continued...

Tomorrow: Learn Part 2 of our 3 part tale. What happens to Jason as he hits a bump in the road? Does it quit or keep on trucking? And what does a sports blog have to do with this.? Stay tuned and read about it tomorrow.